If Noah Built the Ark Today

God said to Noah, "I'm going to make it rain until the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints for the ark."

Many years passed, and the skies began to cloud and rain began to fall. Noah sat in his front yard, weeping. "Why haven't you built the ark?" asked the Lord. "I did my best," replied Noah, "but so many things kept happening!"

"The blueprints you gave me for the Ark didn't meet the city's code, so I had to change them. Then the city said I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard. So, I had to get a variance. Then the Forest Service required tree-cutting permits! Then the EPA requested an environmental impact statement concerning the flood. And the Army Corps of engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plain!

An animal rights group sued me when I tried to gather up all the animals by two, followed closely by the Gays Rights Group who were upset because I was only taking male and female! Then the state fined me because the animals didn't get their vaccination shots. Then the Humane Society took all the animals because they weren't licensed and registered!

Of course, the Equal Opportunity Commission jumped in claiming I wasn't hiring enough minorities. The Coast Guard refused to let me on the waters because the Ark was not marked by an identification number. And, to top it all off, the IRS decided to seize all my assets, claiming I was trying to avoid paying my taxes by leaving the country! "I'm sorry, Lord, but I can't finish the ark for at least five more years!

Suddenly the rain stopped, the skies cleared and the sun began to shine. "Lord, does this mean you're not going to devastate the earth?" "Why should I?" said the Lord, "Seems to me the state and federal governments are doing a great job of it already."

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