My New Man is much like Stephen, who, by the power of the Spirit,
had put to death the Old Man and was living in Christ. As a result, he was extraordinarily wise. When Stephen was called before the
council to answer false charges, his face became as "the face of an angel" (Acts
6:15), and when he spoke, no one was "…able to resist the wisdom and the spirit
by which he spake" (Acts 6:10). What was the secret of such wisdom?
Stephen had great faith (Acts 6:8), and was filled with God's Word and was
mighty in God's Spirit (Acts 6:5). He concentrated on the "wisdom that is from
above" (James 3:17), not on the wisdom of this world. The qualities of God's
wisdom are listed in James 3:17-18, "But the wisdom that is from above is first
pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good
fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of
righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace." What a great verse!
I want the wisdom that is pure;
I want the wisdom that is gentle;
I want the wisdom that is full of kindly thoughts;
I want the wisdom that is without favoritism;
If I try to establish and maintain God's principles in my family and fail to
do it in kindness and love, I will cause my wife to react to me and my
convictions, and I will provoke my children to wrath (Ephesians 6:4). The
command to be kind and loving is a final test of whether I have fully built
God's principles and standards into my own life. I am usually impatient with
others in the very area in which I am failing. When a member of my family
resists or rejects my standards or convictions, I am able to learn and
demonstrate the kind of love for them that God has for us, even when we rejected
Him.
What does it mean to be kind and loving in all that I do? It means to:
1) Be Alert to Spiritual Danger! Alas, I don't think of myself as being kind at all, but rather thoughtless,
self-centered, without good manners, and abrasive in my desire to obey the first
four commands. But when it comes to treating people warmly, making people feel
valuable and loved, listening attentively, and a thousand other ways of being
kind and loving, I realize that my Old Man is not only not dead, but is alive
and taking high-potency vitamin supplements. Many well-meaning fathers have
resolved to be the spiritual leaders in their homes, and they have been totally
dedicated. They have been consistent, but they have failed because they were not
kind and loving.
Why it is difficult for men to be kind and loving husbands and fathers
Powerful forces will plant the suggestion to be firm when I should be
lenient, and lenient when I should be firm. My old nature has been trained to
demand obedience when I should appeal, and to be severe or sulky when my
authority is challenged.
The great problem with these Satanic suggestions is that they will usually
not be recognized by me as having come from the darkness. I will think I'm being
"Godly" when I'm really following darkness. I will think that they are my own
ideas, because they are exactly what my old man wants to do. "Every man is
tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust..." (James 1:14). In this case, it
is a lust for personal power and unchallenged authority -- to "be as gods"
(Genesis 3:5). As a man, I must recognize this secret motivation, confess it as
sin, and be on my guard for powerful, Satanic, destructive suggestions.
There are very precise skills that I can learn and steps that I can take in
order to demonstrate to my family the kind of leadership which Christ had for
the Church when He loved it and gave Himself for it (Ephesians 5:25).
To be an effective spiritual leader, one must have these seven skills
1. One must be in a continual state of gratefulness to the Lord.
-- I am sure that if, as a father, I fail to express genuine gratefulness to
those in my own family for the efforts they make (large or small) to please me,
they will cease to make the effort.
-- A further benefit of my gratefulness is that it will promote an atmosphere
of gratefulness within the home. My family will learn how to express their
gratefulness as they see me doing it.
-- A basic aspect of gratefulness is a spirit of contentment. This involves
the ability to stop and enjoy the accomplishments of my family. If I constantly
urge my family on to more achievement and do not stop to enjoy what they have
done, they will get discouraged and want to give up trying. They will feel they
can never do enough to please me, so why try?
2. One must have a genuine spirit of humility.
-- I must constantly remember that God is working with a fallible and weak
person. Past failures are a key means of reminding myself that there is no room
for pride. Every father should maintain a "sanctified Hall of Shame" in the back
of his mind. Whenever there is a tendency to be critical of a member of my
family, I should mentally revisit my own "Hall of Shame."
-- God has the right sort of jealousy. He will not share His glory with
another. Whenever there is praise, I must acknowledge that God is doing it and
that it is only by His grace that things are working together.
-- This humble spirit must carry over to those in my family. I must emphasize
my need for my wife and each of my children. They need to hear me tell them that
I need them and love them. They need to hear that I can't do it myself and that
God never intended that. I will emphasize that God brought us together as a team
and that each one needs the other.
-- A further aspect of humility must be demonstrated by me in admitting when
I am wrong. If they do not see that I recognize my faults, they will immediately
translate this as pride. They will also assume that I do not need them.
3. One must learn to control ones tongue and ones emotions. -- I do not have the right to be "down" emotionally. If I am down I should
get up as quickly as possible. I cannot afford the luxury of wallowing in
depression or complaining about how hard things are.
-- The members of my family want to see in me (their father) a consistency
that they can count on. They become discouraged if they see me (their father) up
one day and down the next. They are expecting and needing continual
encouragement and
reassurance from me.
-- By my words I will be condemned and by my words I will be justified. Harsh
words and thoughtless statements cut deeply within the heart of a family member
and are not easily removed. They fester like a cancer and produce a growing
variety of complicated reactions to my leadership as a father.
4. One must have good manners. -- The very essence of good manners involves continual sacrifice for the
family. It involves yielding rights as Christ did. It is making sure that each
one in the family is taken care of before I meet my own needs.
-- My manners as a father demonstrate to the outside world what I really
think about my wife and children.
-- Lack of manners is a clear evidence to others that I do not respect my
wife or children or cherish them as important people. My lack of manners will
infect my family. My sons will develop a disrespect for their mother and their
sisters. My wife and daughters will develop a devastating aloofness toward men.
5. One must accept everyone where he or she is. -- I must remember that every child has his or her own rate of development. I
must give a balance of supervision and freedom to fail. Too much freedom will be
interpreted by the children as rejection. Too much supervision will also be
interpreted by my wife and children as rejection, and a lack of trust.
-- I must always remember where each child is going and be patient. I must
also remember how far each of my children has come and be thankful. It is vital
for me to appreciate each person in the family for what they are now rather than
what they might be in the future.
-- I must never compare anyone in my family with another person of greater
ability or achievement. I can challenge the members of my family by exposing
them to the lives of great Christians. This is different than the pressure of
criticism by comparison.
-- I must assure my children that I wanted them and they are a special
provision from the Lord, just for this my family.
-- God is holding every father accountable for each child whom He entrusts to
him.
6. As a father, one must recognize individual worth and potential.
-- I must recognize the strong points and the weak points in each member of
my family. I must emphasize the strong points and see how he could provide
training which would strengthen the weak points.
-- I must make a commitment to each person in my family that I am committed
to their success and God's reputation rather than my own reputation or the
"family name."
-- Family members need to be reassured that their father loves them and that
whether they are right or wrong, I will always love them. They can break my
heart by doing evil, but they must sense that I will never disown them.
-- I must never ask members of a family to do things without expecting to
give them more than what they have given. This is the unspoken commitment of a
father. I should not ask my family members to do things that I would not do.
-- I should anticipate that each member of my family is going to fail me at
some time. I should, however, anticipate it and do all that I can to avoid it.
If it is something that cannot be avoided, I must fortify them to go through it
in victory.
-- One clue to where a family member will fail is the weakness of a father in
that same area. Scripture tells us that the sins of the parents are visited to
the third and fourth generation. It is essential for me to work out a program
based on my own weaknesses. These should fortify my children against failure in
the same area.
7. One must earn the right to be heard.
-- No father should expect the right to be heard and I should certainly not
demand it. I must earn this privilege by developing a relationship with each one
in my family.
-- Relationships take time and are fragile. Any discipline I administer in
the family must be on the basis of my relationship with that person. The basis
of my commitment is to make them successful and to watch out for their safety.
This requires continual sacrifice by me for each person in my family.
-- When I earn the right to be heard, I must cherish that right and not abuse
it.
The Peacemakers
Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of
God" (Matthew 5:9). The Greek word for "peacemakers" is eirenopoios, related to
the word from which we get the English word "irenic," which means:
irenic \i-'re-nik, -'re-\ adj [Gk eirenikos, fr. eirene peace] (ca. 1864) :
favoring, conducive to, or operating toward peace, moderation, or conciliation _ irenically \-'re-ni-k(e-)le,
-'re-\ adv
The same Greek word is found elsewhere in the New Testament:
Mark 9:50, "Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his saltness, wherewith
will ye season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace one with another."
Romans 12:18, "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably
with all men."
2 Corinthians 13:11, "Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good
comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be
with you."
1 Thessalonians 5:13, "And to esteem them very highly in love for their
work's sake. And be at peace among yourselves."
Being at peace is one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22).
But in spite of these clear commands, our modern culture is the most violent
in the history of the world. And the wars committed by governments are emulated
by citizens. Even followers of Christ have picked up the spirit of the modern
world, and are not peacemakers like Jesus commanded them to be.
Conclusion
In days like these, when the Christian faith is locked in mortal combat with "the powers and principalities of this world," the cry goes up, "God, send us men! Men of great faith! Faith in God, faith in Christ, faith in one another, faith in themselves."
A spiritual leader will know that it is better to be wrong than be silent in the face of the problems that are tormenting the thoughts and lives of his people. It is easy to explain mistakes, for all honest men will understand and sympathize; it is impossible to explain
silence, for none will listen.
I want to avoid being defiled.
I want the wisdom that is peaceable;
I want to be a peacemaker.
a soft answer turns away wrath.
I want the wisdom that is approachable;
I don't want to have anyone turned away from the Kingdom.
love does not assume the worst.
I want the wisdom that is full of tolerant actions;
love bears all things.
I want a heart that thirsts for justice
I want the wisdom that is without hypocrisy;
I want to be pure of heart.
2) Be True to God's Standards!
3) Be a Man!
4) Be Strong!
5) Be Kind and Loving in All that You Do! This last one is the
most important of all five commands. ". . . Above all things have fervent love"
(1 Peter 4:8). ". . . The greatest of these is love" (1 Corinthians 13:13).
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